When does discussing shared dating experiences — particularly the negative ones — go too far?
That's the basic question at the center of a California man's lawsuit claiming a group of women crossed the line between storytelling and slandering when they posted about him in "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook groups.
With more than 3.5 million members across 200 location-based subgroups, the private pages serve as a place for women to give advice and discuss their dating experiences with the eligible bachelors in their city — one of them being the plaintiff, Stuart Lucas Murrey.
Lucas Murrey
But in his lawsuit, filed in June of 2023, Murrey claims posts made about him in the Los Angeles subgroup and other similar pages over the last two to three years were filled with false statements, amounting to crimes of defamation, libel, invasion of privacy and more.
The "defamatory" posts, the Santa Monica resident says in the suit, include that he was suspected in a murder case, had multiple domestic violence charges filed against him, that he's filed court cases against women in an attempt to extort money from them, has been aggressive in court, has STDs and that he lies about being an attorney.
Murrey is seeking $2.6 million in damages from 10 women — nine named and one anonymous — and 50 other Jane Does listed as defendants in the suit.
The case has been moving slowly and somewhat quietly through the Los Angeles County Court system since its filing, but in the last few weeks, it's gained more public traction — namely after a group of the defendants spoke to the press following a preliminary hearing in which a judge decided to extend Murrey's time window to serve more of the Jane Does in the case.
While speaking to reporters, captured on video from Fox 11, one named defendant, Olivia Berger, said the women wanted to make the case more public to hopefully gain legal representation, as they have been representing themselves thus far.
Although they're hoping for pro bono help, the women made a GoFundMe weeks ago to raise attorney funds. On Monday, Murrey started his own fundraiser, saying the women "are begging the nation for money."
"Many people have instead reached out to me to contribute to my cause," Murrey's GoFundMe says. "I hope to pave the way for millions of victims, most unaware they are subjects of trashy posts by trashy women."
Lucas Murrey
The plaintiff's GoFundMe also states that his first time seeing many of the defendants he's suing was when their press conference was published. He said he only remembered meeting one of the women who spoke to reporters and that "any minimal interaction" with the others was "abruptly cut off by my swift rejection."
That woman he met with may have been Berger, who told reporters that she was one of the few defendants who actually went on a date with Murrey while many others either interacted with him on dating apps or just simply reacted to posts about him in Facebook groups.
She said she met up with the plaintiff in 2021 after matching with him on Tinder. But soon into the date, Berger told reporters she realized the two wouldn't get along after he didn't comply with mask policies in place at the time and began "ranting" about conspiracy theories.
"It wasn't a friendly back-and-forth conversation; it was more of him talking at me, which obviously made me uncomfortable," she told reporters.
Berger said she felt Murrey noted her discomfort but "enjoyed" making her feel that way. She described him as "arrogant and smug" and said that when she tried to cut it off that night, he belittled her work. She later shared her "factual" experience with the "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook group.
Another defendant who spoke to the press, Vanessa Valdes, said she spoke with Murrey on the dating app Hinge. After a "barrage of harassing messages," she says she blocked and reported him, and years later, she commented on a Facebook post about him to share her experience.
GoFundMe / Legal Defense Fund for Women of LA
GoFundMe / Legal Defense Fund for Women of LA
Meanwhile, Murrey said in a March 15 statement that the "only thing I did to Olivia Berger was reject her" after noting her "pictures concealed certain attributes" of her in-person appearance. He also said he doesn't "want to be referred to as someone who went on a date" with her.
As for Valdes, Murrey said he "rightfully cut of the connection" with her after the two "never had a successfully pleasant conversation."
"The acts of these defendants are hate-fueled and relentless," Murrey said in another statement. "One can name them a female version of incels: 'femcels.' The glue of their group is their hatred of men."
The defendants argue free speech protects them from Murrey's allegations, which Valdes claims were made as a "bullying tactic to silence" the women whose intent was to keep each other safe, she told reporters.
"We were simply coming together to share truthful accounts of our personal experiences. These included valid concerns pertaining to the plaintiff's unsettling behavior and background, all of which is public information," the defendants' GoFundMe states. "It is our opinion that this plaintiff poses a legitimate danger to the women of Los Angeles. Our negative interactions with him have spanned years. We plan to finally put an end to his harassing ways once and for all."
The defendants told reporters their case is completely separate from another involving the "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook groups, filed by a Chicago man in January.
Man sues dozens over Facebook dating group's negative reviews of him
A Chicago-area man is suing dozens, claiming posts about him in the city's "Are We Dating The Same Guy?" Facebook page ruined his reputation.
In that case, Nikko D'Ambrosio alleged posts made about him in the groups subject him to defamation, doxxing, emotional distress and more. These included comments that he was "very clingy very fast," "kept talking about how I don't want to see his bad side," and texted from a different phone when he was blocked and that he "ghosted" women.
D'Ambrosio's suit named 30 women — including the group's moderators — one woman's male relative, a multitude of Meta and Facebook properties, Patreon, GoFundMe and AWDTSG, Inc. — which owns and operates the network of groups and its website.
However, Valdes told reporters she doesn't think any defendants have been served in that case.
